1. It’s going to make you a bad person

False

I feel your anxiety. A long time ago I was confronted by a girlfriend who asked me to take a more aggressive and assertive approach in the bedroom. I remember feeling very insulted and turned off by the request. Worse, I felt like the woman I had been dating for a year-and-a-half had become a complete stranger in a matter of seconds. She craved something that I didn’t understand. I was terrified that once I got a taste, I was going to turn into this selfish, violent, arrogant monster that would no longer respect women. I laugh now at this assumption, but at the time it was a real fear of mine. I’m sad to say that, I grudge fucked her that night out of spite. Joke was on me though, because she loved it.

Today I’m ashamed by my reaction. Turns out the real monster was not the man she was asking me to become, it was the man-child I already was. How difficult it must have been for her to open up this way to me, how scary I probably made it to open up to future partners. I wish that “Now Me” could talk to “Then Me” and help me understand what she was really asking of me. Fortunately for you, “Now Me” is here to help “Now You.”

2. This lifestyle is for pain junkies

False

Don’t let the movies and music videos fool you. Paddles, clamps and restraints are Hollywood’s favorite visual shortcut to setting the stage for sex outside the lines, and they take the route often. Dominance/submission isn’t a preference in sensation, it’s a sexual exercise of the mind–a game that you likely already participate in, in your personal life without even realizing. If you’ve ever had a coach, teacher, parent, boss, etc. you’ve already participated the world of power dynamics where one person manages the relationship and the other rides the wave, putting their trust in the managers hands. So yes pain can be part of the relationship, but that mostly resonates with people already living the lifestyle. Rarely is it a fantasy or a deal-breaker amongst the chokies and the girl-next-door variety of kinkster.

3. It’s too much work

False

Developing your dominant energy is a commitment, but not too much work if you take it in bites. And the more bites you take, the less conscious effort you will have to put in over time. Eventually you will become Neodominant and the things you once had to be conscious about will become instinctual and effortless. With effort you will become a confident, observant, seductive man with the power to make her come at will. 

4. Dominance is archaic, selfish and misogynistic

False

We have all observed dominant Men who lead for the purpose of control. They display behaviors that are rude, selfish, manipulative, belligerent, and toxic. But think about some of your life experiences where you’ve actually submitted to this dynamic and it's been to your benefit.

Think about a good coach or, teacher, or boss. Think about how open you were to their leadership, guidance, and rules, even their discipline and consequences. When leadership is selfless and good for the recipient, it’s a happy world. You have to understand that some women feel really comfortable, and even turned-on, by relinquishing the decision making, going with the flow, and sometimes being put in their place. We’ll leave it to the scientists and psychologists to break all that down, but for now you just need to sit with that thought. Some women just like it. To them leadership is a sexy spell they’re all too happy to be under, especially if it’s cast respectfully and responsibly.

Leadership is a burden of responsibility and when you put the good of your Gi-gi first–when their happiness is at the center of your decision-making you can rest easy that the person on the other end is being fulfilled in a way that makes them happy.

5. Nice guys can’t be dominant

Disagree completely! In-fact it’s easier to help a simp find their assertive side than it is to teach an alpha male how to be selfless and thoughtful about those around them. So in my opinion nice guys are a better fit for taking charge in their romantic encounters.

Masculinity is a beautiful energy that shouldn’t be hidden or suppressed and if you give yourself to the process, you will find yourself better connected and even more intimately in tune with the Women in your life.

You can do this. Everyone has a little daddy in them, and if you are willing to let go and take this journey with me, invest a little time and effort into your sex life. The following should happen:

Your sex-life will improve

Your personal life will improve

You’re hookups will feel less icky

You’re sexual reputation will improve

You’ll understand women better

You’ll love your masculine energy