From an early age, we are taught that it is good to give. At first, we are praised by adults for sharing a toy or snack with a friend, or making a gift for a parent. We pick flowers for our teachers, and witness the exaggerated joy on their faces and in their voices, and we feel good. As we grow, we give gifts for birthdays, holidays, just because, and we feel good. Making people happy and showing them we care, in a way is self-serving. Like little psychic vampires we facilitate others’ delight only to subsequently feed off of it, and we become addicted to the feeling. But, then a strange thing happens for some of us. We are unable to find that same joy in giving one of the greatest gifts: head.

Often described as a chore, or “dirty”, many have been conditioned to feel shame or disgust when begrudgingly wrapping their mouth around a cock. Sighs of dread, or even eye-rolls can occur while either internally or vocally expressing the desire for their partner to finish. I’ve spent a good bit of time trying to identify the cause of this phenomenon: Society? Upbringing? Religion? It’s always important to identify causation, but more important is the solution.

I’d like to offer a different perspective on this act, and I’d like to let you in on a secret:

There is power in your mouth. Power that can transform your relationships with others, and yourself. Power that can bring not only your partner, but yourself to climax. While on our knees we are in a very unique position. It is one of simultaneous control and submission. One of the rarest, and most thrilling of combinations. You are the conductor and the servant, conjuring pleasure at your whim. A generous sorcerer, wading and dancing within another’s energy.

In recent years, society has made a huge shift towards spirituality, mindfulness, and the importance of energy/vibrations. This can and must (in my opinion) be applied to our sexual selves, as well.

If we are mindful, open up, and listen closely, we can turn something we once considered a burden into a blissful, mutually-rewarding, and even enlightening experience.

The first thing required for finding joy in giving head is enthusiasm. But, how does one get excited for something they’ve never really enjoyed? The answer is empathy.

Imagining ourselves as our partner can go a long way as far as building enthusiasm and intuitively serving is concerned. Imagine you are them. Put yourself into their body. What does it feel like to look down and see a beautiful, eager face in your lap? How does it feel as they drag their tongue along you? If you’re having trouble imagining yourself in this position, I’d like to offer this: Anatomically, the clitoris and glans (head of the penis) aren’t so different from one another. They both start off as the same lump of nerves as we develop in the womb, and while the clitoris ends up with a slightly higher concentration, and more tightly-packed, the shapes are the same, just different in scale. So, with this info, imagine what you will: A tiny mouth on your clit. Your clit growing to accommodate a normal-sized mouth. Whatever you gotta do. Get creative. The point is to use your imagination to truly “feel” what your mouth is doing to your partner. If this is too much of a stretch, we can start with simple observation.

Is he comfortable? Relaxed? Hard, and anticipating you? If not, how can you facilitate these? After all, you’d like to feel the same if the roles were reversed, yes? Try to identify the moment(s) when tension is leaving his body.

Notice his breath. Listen for long, deep exhales, and take note of what movement, or combination of movements brought them forth. Repeat. Can you pull a deeper, longer exhale out of him? Notice slight reactions to changes in pace, depth, and pressure. Store these in your memory. These are your notes, and with them, you’ll be able to compose the most beautiful of songs. See him as your new instrument, and yourself a brilliant artist. As you yearn the ecstasy out of him through your mouth, notice it, and imagine pouring it into your own body. Think about how you feel, knowing you are the cause of this bliss. Can you feel it welling-up within your own body? How amazing will it feel for him to fully release? Are you excited for him? Are you eager to see and feel exactly how it will manifest? Would you like to tease a bit more, or pull-out all the stops? Observe your power. Observe his reactions. Swim in these observations until you can feel them. It may take time, or it may fall into place instantly. It doesn’t really matter. Just know that once you are able to receive as a giver, your headgame will be forever changed. You’ll want to do the best job possible. For the both of you. You may even find yourself initiating the act, becoming addicted to the meditative feeling of reading and experiencing someone’s energy so intimately. From this view, it is impossible to see giving head as a chore. It becomes your craft, and you are eager to hone it, and siphon-off as much of that yummy energy as you can in the process. Remembering the true reasons why it feels so good to give.

The second thing required for finding joy in giving head is confidence. And much of that (after realizing your power) is technique.

But, we’re going to save that for a later time. For now, even if only in your thoughts, practice these steps. Daydream about stepping into your divine, feminine energy and imagine simultaneously controlling and serving a worthy partner, and getting drunk off of their pleasure in the process. The next time you find yourself opening your mouth, you may be pleasantly surprised.

Until next time, loves. Namaste.